The Great Corn Maze Caper
by JellyBean30
Summary: House & the gang on a trip to a corn maze. Silly, silly, silly.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Here is what I plan to be a short, fun little story that popped into my head while discussing the time I got horribly lost in a corn maze. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own them, Fox does, but if I did I would so make them dance for me.**

**The Great Corn Maze Caper**

Chapter 1

"Come on, it would be fun," Cameron urged, girlish glee all over her face.

"You can't be serious. You want us to give up our entire Sunday for this? The only day we're completely free of the hospital, but we should spend it together." Foreman said.

"When was the last time you did something this fun? Really? Look," she turned her laptop on the glass conference room table toward Foreman and Chase, who sat opposite her, "this place is less than half an hour from here. We could do the whole thing in a few hours. They open at 9, if we went early, you'd be home before lunch," Cameron pleaded.

"Why don't you go anyway?" Chase asked.

"Chase, half the fun of going to a corn maze is getting completely lost and trying to find your way out. What fun would that be alone?" Cameron said. "I didn't even know there was any place around here that did this."

"Getting back to our barnyard roots are we?" House asked from the doorway, where he was entering with Wilson.

"Cameron's trying to convince us to go with her to a corn maze this Sunday," Foreman informed them. He shook his head; sometimes she was so girly it was sickening.

"I'll go," Wilson said. House gave him a look that said, is your life really that pathetic? "I've got nothing else to do Sunday. It could be fun. At the very least, I'd get to wander around in a place where you could easily get lost for a bit with a pretty young woman."

Cameron smiled at him. House threw Wilson a dark look, but Wilson ignored it. He'd given up on trying to convince House to just jump her already. Just because House was a stubborn idiot didn't mean Wilson couldn't have some innocent fun. And if it bothered House even the tiniest bit, all the better.

"I'll go too," Chase added, not to be outdone by Wilson. True, he had been the one to say that he and Cameron shouldn't be together again, but that didn't mean he wanted her spending a day alone with Wilson. That was dangerous.

The three of them turned and looked expectantly at Foreman. Foreman ignored them successfully for nearly a minute before he finally cracked.

"Fine, I'll go. Happy now?" Foreman asked. Maybe it wouldn't be all bad. And since his girlfriend was visiting her parents this weekend, it wasn't as though he actually had anything to do.

"Great, who's driving? Doesn't matter, I call shotgun." House said.

"You're coming?" Cameron asked, plainly shocked. Wilson, Foreman and Chase all stared at him as well.

"What? I can have fun too, you know," House protested. He poured himself a cup of coffee and limped into his office. "If you expect me to be up early, somebody needs to bring bagels and coffee for the ride," he called over his shoulder.

As the door leading to his office swung shut behind him, the remaining four looked at each other uncertainly. This would certainly be interesting.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Since it had been Cameron's idea, they all agreed that she could drive. They were meeting at her apartment. House had said outright there was no way he would be up that early on his own, so Wilson agreed to pick him up. When they arrived at Cameron's building, House was still grumbling that the least Wilson could have done was bring him a coffee.

The rest of the group were already standing in the parking lot, waiting. Foreman was leaning against the door of Cameron's car, and House chuckled as he took in his appearance. Did he ever dress down? Even on Sunday morning and on his way to a corn maze, he had on slacks and loafers. Did he even own a pair of jeans?

Chase was sitting on the trunk of Cameron's car, watching her watch House. He was wearing jeans and boots, a turtleneck and a large sweatshirt. But when House got a glimpse of the earmuffs, he nearly laughed out loud. Luckily he caught himself in time, and settled for a withering smirk. Chase was paying him little attention, as he was busy looking at something on the opposite side of the car, out of House's line of vision.

Suddenly, Cameron's head popped up near Chase and House's breath caught in his throat for the tiniest of seconds. Her hair was blowing in the breeze, and looked a little wild, very different from how she normally looked at work. She was wearing a burnt orange turtleneck sweater, a brown leather jacket and gloves. Her cheeks were flushed red from the slight chill in the air. For a fleeting second, she looked to him like an advertisement for autumn. It would be his favorite season. Then she laughed, and he grinned. She touched Chase's arm in response to whatever lame joke he'd made, and the illusion was shattered.

House was dressed per his usual, although he had traded his beloved sneakers for a pair of more sensible hiking boots, left over from days when he had actually hiked. A corn maze in November was no place for his Nikes. Wilson was dressed casually as well, and as the group gathered around Cameron's car, House couldn't help but notice again how out of place Foreman looked.

"Foreman, we're not going to a church social. You do know corn mazes are outside, right?" House sniped at him.

"I have someplace to be when this is done, not that it's any of your business, House," Foreman grumbled. "Can we just go?" he asked Cameron.

"Sure," Cameron replied. "I hope there's enough room."

"Don't worry, we'll squeeze," Wilson assured her, and she smiled at him. House rolled his eyes and climbed into the passenger seat, adjusting the position as far back as possible to maximum his leg comfort and positively squish whoever had to sit behind him.

Cameron settled herself into the driver's seat, carefully buckling up and checking all her mirrors. House managed to stop himself from rolling his eyes again, but when Cameron didn't start driving he looked at her with impatience. Cameron looked at him and then looked pointedly at his seatbelt, which was unbuckled. Exasperated, House buckled his safety belt and then looked at her.

She reached down to the center console and picked up a cup of coffee. House was about to snark at her about how dare she get herself a coffee and not him when she was the one who'd forced him out of bed at this ungodly hour when she handed the cup to him. She then reached down a second time and lifted a pastry bag, which she placed in his lap.

"Coffee and bagel, I believe that's what you ordered?" Cameron asked dryly. House nodded at her. "No comment?"

"You're pathetic," House said. "Feel better?"

"Yes, now we can go," Cameron said, starting the car. She pulled out of the parking lot and into traffic. Their day had begun.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Cameron had hoped that House would just listen to his Ipod on the ride, but she supposed she should have known better. Almost immediately after getting onto the highway, House began fiddling with the radio. At first Cameron ignored him, and so did the occupants of the backseat. But, after a few minutes of changing the stations, House wasn't satisfied he'd annoyed everyone completely yet. He turned the volume up as loud as it would go.

Cameron, in the driver's seat, gritted her teeth, determined not to let him annoy her or ruin her day. She'd been looking forward to this all week, and House wasn't going to screw it up. Foreman, Wilson and Chase, on the other hand, whose heads were all mere inches from the back speakers protested vehemently. Finally, Foreman grabbed House's cane, which was propped between House's seat and the floor console and threatened to throw it out the window. House relented and turned the radio down to a comfortable volume. House smiled patronizingly at Cameron before turning his head to watch the passing scenery.

Thankfully, the ride was short and they'd soon arrived. Wilson, Foreman and Chase all climbed out of the backseat, and House and Cameron both grinned, simultaneously thinking how much like a group of clowns they looked. Cameron caught House grinning and he limped quickly toward the ticket booth.

The rest of the group followed him, Cameron, Chase and Wilson chatting animatedly about much fun this was. Foreman kept quiet; he supposed this could be fun, if House could manage not to be an ass.

When the group caught up with House, he was already holding a map of the maze. Naturally, he hadn't paid for any tickets though. The others stood in line and bought their tickets. Since it had been Cameron's idea, she offered to pay for House's ticket but Wilson just shook his head. It would only annoy House if he found out, which he was certain to, and why give him any more ammunition. Cameron insisted, so Wilson compromised by allowing Cameron to pay for his ticket.

"So, how do we do this?" Chase asked. House rolled his eyes in disbelief. It was a maze; you went through it. This required explanation? It was in that moment that The Great Corn Maze Caper was born.

"Let's see who can get out the fastest. We'll split into teams. I'll go get another map," House said, and limped back to the ticket counter. The rest of the group looked at each other, Wilson and Foreman shrugged. House came back and handed the second map to Chase.

"How do we choose teams?" Wilson asked.

"You're with me, obviously," House said. "Cripples gotta have their buddy's. And since Cameron paid for your ticket, that makes her your date. Would be a shame to split you two lovebirds up. So that leaves Chase and Foreman."

"Wait, why does House get a team of three? He lives for solving puzzles, he doesn't need two team-mates," Chase protested. This whining only confirmed for House that this might be the best plan he'd ever come up with.

"Hey, wombat, quit whining. I'm crippled. Exactly how fast do you think my cane and I are going to be slopping through the mud?" House snarked.

"Fine," Chase grumbled. Cameron had given him a look. It wasn't exactly an angry look, but he could tell she was annoyed that he'd suggested House would try to take an unfair advantage. He just couldn't win with her.

"There are two entrances," Wilson said, peering at the map in House's hands. "Why don't we enter on either side and see who can find their way out first?"

All agreed, and Chase and Foreman immediately entered on the right side. Wilson and Cameron took the map from House and walked toward the left entrance, discussing a strategy to avoid getting too lost. They were nearly through the entrance when they realized House wasn't with them.

"What now?" Wilson asked.

"That map I gave Chase? It was left over from last year's corn maze. The Great Corn Maze Caper has begun," he said, an evil gleam in his eyes and he limped past the now gawking Cameron and Wilson.


	4. Chapter 4

Chap Chapter 4

"House!" Cameron protested. "They'll never find their way out like that. I can't believe you'd cheat!"

"Really? Because it seems just exactly like something I'd do," House commented, and continued a bit further along the path. Cameron hitched in a breath to chastise him more soundly, but Wilson took hold of her hand.

"Cameron, it's no use. Even if you managed to convince him he was wrong, which you won't, what good would it do? Chase and Foreman will be too far into the maze by now to find them," Wilson said sensibly. Cameron sighed, realizing he was right. "Besides, there are flags at most of the intersections. If they really get that lost, they can just lift one up above the top of the maze and an employee will come and lead them out. It says so right on the map and I'm sure it said the same thing last year."

Cameron nodded. Of course Wilson was right. She turned to walk after House when she realized Wilson was still holding her hand. She blushed slightly and looked at him. Embarrassed, Wilson dropped her hand and looked away.

"Come on already," House called. "It is possible that Lewis and Clark will find their out by accident."

Wilson gave Cameron a welcome-to-my-world sort of look, and they walked until they caught up with House. Wilson held the map out to House, who eyed him with disdain.

"Generals don't navigate," House scoffed.

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"Chase, we've been wandering around in here for nearly two hours. We've passed that stupid sign three times already. Give me the map!" Foreman demanded. He was cold. His shoes, not really designed for the outdoors, were soaked and his feet felt like blocks of ice. The cuffs of his pants were muddy and he was beginning to suspect that he was allergic to the straw or hay that had been strewn along the path.

This was embarrassing. It said right at the bottom that the average time to complete the maze was 45 minutes. The average time, that meant that most people were able to find their way out in 45 minutes. He was a doctor for the love of Mike; he should be able to find his way out faster than most people. They'd easily been here twice that long.

"I don't understand, it's like this map isn't even for this maze," Chase grumbled. Foreman stopped in his tracks.

"What did you say?"

"I said it's like this map isn't even for this maze. I know we've taken this path exactly the right way, but it doesn't come out where it should. See here…" but Chase stopped talking when Foreman snatched the map out Chase's hands. He flipped the paper over and groaned loudly.

"This is last year's map! Look, the coupons they print on the back all expired last Christmas. House set us up!" Foreman was incensed. He hadn't even wanted to come to this stupid maze, and now here he was, lost in the middle of a field of corn, half-frozen and with wet feet. "I'm holding up one of the flags."

"No!" Chase shouted. "That means House wins."

"Chase, he's already won. How long do you think it took the three of them do get out? We'll be lucky if House didn't swipe Cameron's car keys and leave us here." Foreman ranted at Chase as he marched to the nearest intersection. He lifted the flag there above the top of the stalks and waved it frantically.

"We'll never hear the end of this," Chase sighed.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Cameron guiltily sipped the hot chocolate Wilson had bought for her. They'd been out of the maze over an hour with no sign of Chase and Foreman. Wilson had walked off to throw his empty cup away, and House moved closer to talk to her.

"You were right, Cameron, this is fun," House commented. He was obviously pleased with himself.

"Yes, this is exactly what I had in mind when I suggested it. Humiliating other people is so much fun," Cameron said icily.

"That's the spirit," House agreed, and Cameron huffed at him. Wilson walked back to them and smiled apologetically.

"I just saw a flag waving. Maybe they decided to give up," Wilson said. Cameron wasn't sure who was trying to console, her or House. If what House said about Wilson half the time was true, probably both of them.

A few minutes later, an embarrassed Chase and an extremely angry Foreman followed one of the maze employees from the exit. Both men looked very cold and Foreman was covered in mud.

"What happened?" Wilson asked.

"He fell," Chase said.

"No, you fell. Into me. Pushed me in the mud," Foreman spat out. He turned to Cameron, "Can we go?" She merely nodded her assent; she wanted to apologize but he didn't seem like he was in a forgiving mood.

Cameron and House got into the car, but there seemed to be some trouble with the rest of the group getting in the backseat. Chase didn't want to sit next to Foreman, because Foreman was covered in mud. Wilson offered to sit next to Foreman, but that seemed to make Foreman even angrier. He insisted that since Chase was the one who knocked him over that Chase should be the one to sit next to him. Cameron turned and gave Chase such a pitiful look that he agreed and let Foreman climb in next to him. Foreman immediately began squirming in his seat, rubbing up against Chase as much as he could manage until Chase was nearly as filthy as he was.

Luckily for everyone else, House had apparently had his fill of annoying people for the day, and decided to listen to his Ipod on the drive home. Also luckily for everyone else, House wasn't used to be up this early in the morning, so he quickly fell asleep. Unlucky for House.

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When the car pulled into the lot at Cameron's building, the four conscious occupants sat quietly. House was still sleeping, the volume on his Ipod turned loud enough for Cameron to hear snatches of the music. Cameron twisted in the seat to look at the men behind her.

"Are we really sure we want to do this?" Cameron asked.

"Cameron, you don't think he deserves a little payback? Come on, its not just what he did to us, he ruined your day too," Foreman said. "Are you really that much in love with him that you can't see that?"

"I'm not in love with him," Cameron protested. "That has nothing to do with it. If we try to pay him back, he'll only get mad. If he's going to pull this sort of stuff when he's in a good mood, I don't really want to know what he'd do if he was angry."

"She does have a point," Chase said. He had no desire whatsoever to have House angry with him ever again.

"I have an idea," Wilson said quietly.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

House limped into Cuddy's office on Monday morning without knocking. He laid his cane across her desk, blocking her view of the paperwork she was currently buried in.

"Where is my staff?" House demanded.

"Dr. Chase and Dr. Foreman called in sick this morning," Cuddy said, clearly annoyed. "Apparently, they were stranded in a muddy corn field yesterday morning for several hours and now they're both too sick to come to work. This has your named written all over it."

"Right, because I routinely spend my Sunday mornings in corn fields," House retorted, but none too vehemently. It was his fault, but Cuddy wasn't getting a confession.

"Well, Chase and Foreman were both on the clinic schedule today. You're going to have to cover some extra hours. Oh, and that reminds me, there was an absence at the school today, one of the immunology professors. Since you don't have any cases right now, the board asked if Dr. Cameron would fill in and she agreed," Cuddy informed him.

"How many hours were they scheduled for?" House asked, politely but with venom in his voice.

"Two," Cuddy advised. House gritted his teeth; he could stand two extra clinic hours. "Each."

"Four extra hours!" House shouted. "I've got two hours of my own. I can't possibly spend six hours in the clinic in one day."

"Eight, actually," Cuddy replied.

"Eight?" House squeaked.

"You'll need to cover Dr. Cameron's hours as well." Cuddy smiled. "Better get started. Be a real shame if you had stay past five." House grabbed his cane from Cuddy's desk and took two steps before her voice halted him. "You didn't really think you'd won, did you?"

House mumbled under his breath as he stormed, as effectively as one can while limping heavily, out of Cuddy's office and into the clinic. Once House was safely in an exam room with a patient, Nurse Brenda flashed Cuddy a thumbs-up. Cuddy walked to the door to her private bathroom and opened the door. Cameron and Wilson came out, wearing self-satisfied grins even House would have been proud of.

"And so The Great Corn Maze Caper is concluded," Wilson said.


End file.
